And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
