He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
