I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
