If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
