Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
