Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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