woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
