Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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