It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
