so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
