What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do vagina's smell?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
