no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
