if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
