We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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