There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
