Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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