why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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