Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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