If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize