Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
