dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
