farters have to be the big spoon...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
