so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize