i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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