I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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