smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
