hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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