...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
