Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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