This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
