my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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