what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
