So drunk its hurt
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone signed my nipple.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
