I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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