I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
