i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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