Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
