It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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