Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
