He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
