Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
