Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
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