Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
