I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
