I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
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i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?