You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.