I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she peed on how many people?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want to fling myself into the sun