You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
