Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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