Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
