I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
