you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
