I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
