Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
oh god was she eating orange peels again
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
