All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
