i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
