your room smells of hookers.
And success
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
