Christians are straight up FREAKS
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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