dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
