i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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