When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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