So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
