you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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