My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
