Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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