So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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