Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
