Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
