Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
