I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
