He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You left your phone here
Wait...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
